DEVELOPING THE CHURCH THROUGH FRIENDSHIP

DEVELOPING THE CHURCH THROUGH FRIENDSHIP

A friend is a person who you know well and who you like a lot, but who is usually not a member of your family: someone who is not an enemy and who you can trust:

Within the pages of the Bible we see a lot of friendship dotted here and there and today it is our desire to explore friendship within the scriptures and see how we can utilize it to grow the church.
Setting off from Amos 3:3 we see that two cannot work together except they agree. So the first building block of friendship is that the people going into friendship must first agree to be friends.
Then we learn from the Wiseman in Proverbs 18:24 ¶ A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. So the one who desire to be a friend must develop friendship skills that will make him/her be able to manage others who shall be his/her friends.

Furthermore we see from scriptures that friendship entails confidence building arising from confiding in one another. Jesus promoted his disciples to his friends because he was able to confide in them. John 15:15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

Within the pages of the scriptures we learn that some friendship generated positive impact while a few others left much to be desired.
Abraham enjoyed solid friendship with God. A mortal being relating at friendship level with an immortal being. James 2:23 And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God.
David and Jonathan had a robust friendship which saw Jonathan protecting David against the run of play. 1Sam 19:1 ¶ Now Saul spoke to Jonathan his son and to all his servants, that they should kill David; 2 but Jonathan, Saul’s son, delighted greatly in David. So Jonathan told David, saying, “My father Saul seeks to kill you. Therefore please be on your guard until morning, and stay in a secret place and hide. 3 “And I will go out and stand beside my father in the field where you are, and I will speak with my father about you. Then what I observe, I will tell you.” 4 Thus Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father, and said to him, “Let not the king sin against his servant, against David, because he has not sinned against you, and because his works have been very good toward you.

The friendship between Jesus and his disciples opened the floodgate of a successful evangelism after his death.
A further look reveals that there are some friendship that had negative impact inside the friendship.
The friendship between Jonadab, a man the Bible describe as crafty and the son of king David called Amnon had a dangerous impact on the life of the family of David. 2Sam 13:3 But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Now Jonadab was a very crafty man. 4 And he said to him, “Why are you, the king’s son, becoming thinner day after day? Will you not tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” 5 So Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Please let my sister Tamar come and give me food, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.

Also the friendship between Job and his three friends equally had a negative impact in the thought process of Job. Job 2:11 ¶ Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon him, each one came from his own place-Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. For they had made an appointment together to come and mourn with him, and to comfort him. But their comforting and mourning with him turned out to an accusation on Job and this weighed job down greatly. Job 4 – 23 captures their interaction.

Our interest today is how to use friendship to grow the church
As at today, most members of the church especially in Nigeria are still operating at brother and sister levels of relationship. Beyond the exchange of pleasantries soon after the closing prayers, nothing intimate is activated. To your tent oh Israel is invoked. A serious minded brother in faith with 7 friends in this world of which 6 are in the world is quietly warming up for hell fire with his consent.

The reasons for such behavior are traceable to some of these factors viz;

1. Poor teaching on friendship development and management.
2. Poor interpersonal skills within the brotherhood.
3. Poor conflict management strategy.
4. Dragging of societal standing into the church thus breeding class stratification.
5. Lack of deep understanding about the Christian race and the power of one another.

A critical look at friendship will reveal so much that will help us grow the church from that angle.
Friendship promote inter personal influence. Prov 27:17 ¶ Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. A brother who usually hide to drink and smoke become friendly with another brother who is filled with the spirit, gradually he will quietly leave those negative attributes of his life.
It is only in a friendship that truth can be told amidst a joke and it is taken seriously and adjustment is gradually invoked. It is only a close friend that can sharply rebuke you for a wrong doing. Prov 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

Friendship provokes commitment and motivates growth. Jesus motivated his disciples with the promotion of them from their status of disciples to the status of friends. This had psychological impact in their thought process. Just imagine a highly placed brother in the church making friend with a poor brother and visiting same on Saturday and spending an hour in his house.

During the visit, the highly placed brother refers to the poor man as his friend and encourages same to try and be early to service the next day. You will agree with me that it will take a long time for the poor man to forget such an honour.

In friendship we care for one another, show concern for each other and render assistance to each other. In this process a bond is built amongst us. Brethren it is because we don’t bond with each other in friendship that is why we are having difficulties doing business with each other. It is because we don’t bond in friendship, that is why some brethren don’t marry in the Lord.

In friendship, people open up and share their burden one with each other. Prov. 17:17 ¶ A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Friendship breeds fellowship. Psm 133:1 Behold, how good and how pleasant it is For brethren to dwell together in unity. So many people in the church are lonely even when we have over 200 in attendance. The real reason is lack of friendship in the church. They need someone they will share their pains with. They need someone they will confess to and ask for direction, the need someone they can share their joy with. If we don’t kill loneliness, it will gradually destroy the church. It has been stated before that without fellowship, withdrawal of fellowship makes no meaning. You cant withdraw what was not existing.

BIBLICAL BASIS FOR FRIENDSHIP

1. Rom 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
2. Rom 13:8 Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.
3. Ro 14:13 Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.
4. Ro 15:7 ¶ Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also received us to the glory of God.
5. Ga 6:2 Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.
6. Eph 4:2 ¶ With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;
7. Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
8. Col 3:13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
9. Col 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
10. 1Thes 4:9 ¶ But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another.
11. 1Thes 5:11 ¶ Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.
12. Heb 3:13 But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.
13. Heb 10:24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:
14. Heb 10:25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
15. 1Pet 1:22 Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently:
16. 1Pet 5:14 Greet ye one another with a kiss of charity. Peace be with you all that are in Christ Jesus. Amen.
17. 1John 4:7 ¶ Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
18. 1John 4:11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
19. 1John 4:12 No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.

Summary
God is the one who introduced solid friendship by holding Abraham as his friend and Christ gave the platform, you are my friends if you do what so ever I command you. John 15:14. Jesus promoted his disciples to the rank of friends.
Today we are commanded to do so likewise. Start a friendship today and you will not regret.
Yes it may be tough trying to eat with a left hand at old age, but it is worth a try. Inclusive growth, bonding and fellowship that shaped the church in the first century is grossly lacking and it is in our hands to restore it back.
Friendship will grow when we tell each other the truth in a loving manner.
Friendship will grow when we learn how to speak to one another in a manner that will minister grace to the hearers.
Friendship will grow when we see each other are co travelers on our way to heaven and as partners in progress.
Friendship will grow if it is not one sided.
If friendship is activated, those coming in will feel happy to be with us and as such will not easily backslide.

May God help us to grow the church through friendship.

By: MIke Nkonjok Udam